There's a Long Lonesome Road in the Lifetime of a Trucker

I'm just sayin.

Skeleteens Is Back

For those who like a little heat in their beverage, try Brain Wash.

Basically a soda with hot pepper extract.

Just thought you should know.

I Am The World's Second Laziest Blogger

See The Poor Man for the First

Bonus Goofiness

(Mis-spelled fone-etically)

Onn dee doon
Ver doon gadishka doon
In dish dee voon dish dee doon
Bork! Bork! Bork!

Special Bonus Fact:
The Swedish Chef's real first language was mock Japanese.
(A fact uncovered by Jean Stapleton.)

You Too Can Be An Asshole

This seems to be the point of the new Hummer ads.

Especially the 'Get Your Girl On' spot. In the ad, we see a slightly mousy woman and her son get cut off at the slide. This proves to be enough of a psychic event, that she goes out and gets a Hummer, so she can be every bit the bitch on wheels that the bitch who cut her off was. Nice. "Buy a Hummer so you can be an asshole too!" Same kind of thing for the other spot- where tofu man sees he-man buying meat, so he has to get a Hummer to make up for not being a carnivore. Or something.

This is truly how pathetic advertising execs thinks the public is.

Dicks.

Frippin' at the Jim Jam, Frappin at the Kropfz

These 'tards over at Dodge are pissing me off.

They sent a letter saying basically, 'Happy Anniversary for Getting Your New Car' and 'by the way, here's who are new lease manager is.'

There would be the very same 'tards I have yet to get my floor mats from. Or working headphones for the DVD player. After a year. Yeah. I'll really do business with them ever again.

Oh, and it's not a lease.

'tards.

In Honor of the World Cup

I've only got one thing to add.

That's Just Wrong

Warning: Vulcan Hobbit. You were warned. Pues.

Eau. Migh. Gaud.

There are no words...

I'm going to have to go somewhere and get some talcum powder now.

Dirty Dancing

Before "Sprockets"...

Bitte, Baby!


For those who don't remember, "Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance..." and "Would you like to touch my monkey?" may refresh the memory.

The World's Biggest Problem

Is stupidity. But I'm going to rant about spelling. Take this comment post for instance:

Incidently, I remember reading an article in The New Republic wear the writer attended anti-Iraq war rally. The entire article was the guy seathing with rage invoking 9/11 as the reason we were invading iraq and dreaming of having the protestors arrested and deported. I bring this up because I know how TNR can get there circulation up. See, they’re marketing themselves to the wrong crowd. If they started putting girls in bikinis draped over the hoods of cars on their front cover, they’d reach a friendlier audience.

First, "Incidentally". The word's been spelled that way since the 1800s. "Incidently" is archaic. Get with the program. Come join us in the current effing century. Next: "wear the writer". I think that's illegal. Jeff Dahmer & all that. WHERE the writer attended AN anti-Iraq war rally. I don't even know where to begin with 'seathing'. Is it a thing from the sea? (See Russell, Kurt, Thing, The). Seething would be an actual word that one could use in this instance. Eye-raque needs to be capitalized, regardless of one's opinion of it. Next, we come to 'get there circulation'. Typical misuse of 'there'. Should be 'their'. This error is particularly odd, because in the very next sentence, the author (holy carp) uses "they're" correctly. Seriously, what's up with that?

I rant because I strongly feel that these sorts of error detract from the thrust of one's argument. And apart from the above mentioned errors (don't get me started on the grammar), I think that the ideas expressed are not without merit.

Possible definition of 'seathing':

The Below Post is Brought to You

courtesy of Spacey Stacey, who, by inadvertently generating a rant involving Tenacious D, Cleveland Steamers, and Tea Bagging, inspired me to write that post. Also brought to you by the number 42.

The Creepy Thing About E-Harmony Ads

I finally figured it out the other night. These ads had been creeping me out for some time, but I could never put my finger on why. I finally got it tho- all of the couples' noses match. It's really weird. The guy with the long nose is with the chick with the long nose, the guy with the broken looking nose is with the chick with the broken looking nose, etc. Is this how they really do their matching? Is this really what they mean by profile? Maybe I've stumbled onto the secret of love, life, the universe and everything by accident. The *real* question, then, is how do noses relate to 42? Is it just that the 4 looks like a nose in profile, while the two is... well, I'm not sure what the 2 is.

Should I adjust my meds?

Because I Can

Ladies and Gentlemen- or, more accurately, Lady and Gentleman (I know my traffic)-
Cyndi Lauper with a Fire Hose:

Not Albatross

I pick not albatross. An' I'm all out a Zom-B-Gone.

I Bought The Kaboom

Went over to see the lovely folks at the explosives store this morning. They were both very helpful and informative, and I walked out with over 110lbs of kabooms. Very nice.

They had a 2 for 1 sale (ends monday).

Howling Error

When a coyote barks at the moon and misses.

Thank You. I'll be here all week. Don't try the veal.

Gift Cards - Not So Much

What the hell is the deal with Gift Cards?

You can walk into a grocery store (for example) and get a gift card for Target, Chili's, Toys R Us, or even frikkin' Bass Pro Shops. It's the gift that says 'I cared about you enough to think about the vague area you might be interested in, but not enough to actually go there and get something.'

Seriously.

WTF?

You pay extra for something that the recipient can use almost as easily as cash. Which brings me to the Generic Gift Card. Visa, MC, Amec, they've all got them. Why would we want them? If you want to give someone money, give them money. Or, if you have to send it, send an effing check fer cripe pete. It costs more money to give someone somethig they can use almost as easily as actual money. What's the benefit? Wallet thickness?

Faugh.

Gotta Love It

Putting CEO Pay In Perspective

Hank McKinnel, Chairman & CEO of Pfizer, will get paid $6.5 MILLION A YEAR AFTER HE RETIRES.

That's the equivalent of 1,624 doses of Viagra a day.

Schwing!

The Problem with Actually Knowing What You're Doing

The problem with actually knowing what you're doing is that if you really do know what you're doing, and you're doing something that effects other people, people will start to assume that you know what you're doing in general, instead of in relation to the specific thing where you actually DO know what you're doing. The problem is a lot worse if you happen to actually have some expertiese in more than one area. The problem becomes exponentially worse if the areas of expertiese in question happen to be diverse and unrelated.

The problem, in case you've lost track, is that people will just assume you know something about any given random subject. The worst case scenario is when the random subject just happens to be in a previously unknown area of expertise.

There's a couple of ways to approach the situation. You could a) bullshit, or b) fess up and admit lack of knowledge. I don't like option a). I won't deny having used it, on more than one occasion even. But I don't like it. Option a) sets you up for a fall. Potentially a big and embarassing one- which is why it shows up in sitcom plots so often. Unlike sitcoms, in real life the end result, while sometimes a font of hilarity, is more often than not just the source of a reputation as a bullshit artist. Not that there's anything wrong with that. There is great artistry to be had in bullshit, and artistry in this area is a skill in its own right, which can serve one well if one chooses to go into politics, for example. Not so useful for everyday, tho.

On the other hand, option b) is not without difficulty. If enough demontrations of Actually Knowing What You're Doing have actually occurred, when you do fess up to know knowing, the audience might juist assume you're lying, or blowing them off because you just don't want to deal. (Which happens too, sometimes.)

In the end then, the best approach seems to be to be a stone cold fuckup. You'll get to be president one day.